But that's not your fault…"I'm not getting blamed for it."No."Shame on the women for making me feel like I did something wrong.
Period…I have a girlfriend down in Del Mar, she came and picked me up and she was like, "You are going to snap out of this, this is not your fault, those girls aren't your friends, you did nothing wrong, we believe Brooks, we loved you and Brooks.' She snapped me out of it. ' Why do I have to feel sad for something I didn't do? He lied to me, and lied to the viewers, and lied to everybody else for whatever reason I don't know, and I will never know why he did what he did. That's all I can go to bed with every night."I mean, you met him. "For our first two-hour interview…yes."'Cause he's very charismatic."Second one, no."Too much fumbling?"There was just something wrong in the second interview."[She takes a deep breath] Well, there are a lot of emotions that have happened after he left me. I would have thought that they would have said, 'You know what Vicki, if he's lying or not lying, we still love you.' There would be no reason for me to lie. I am not going to be like Tamra [Judge] and go out and do detective work on someone that I am sleeping with and loving…The truth will always come out one way or the other so…I just loved him. I mean, I do believe he was sick, nobody can lose the amount of weight that he did.It was actually August 4th of last year when everything was starting to tumble around. I haven't seen him since the day that he pulled out of the drive way and I was just in shock like, 'What is going on? ' and he was like, 'You are never going to know, you don't deserve to know because you are going to share it with the cast.'"Here we are, almost a year later. Nobody can throw up and have fevers the way that he did. I saw the bills of all of these supplements he was taking. In a normal situation, if you were sick, or your boyfriend or a family member, would you ask them for medical records? That is where it started crossing the line and I think that is where he pulled back and said I am not sharing anything with you."I didn't think you were going to return this season."I didn't either. And I went in knowing that it was going to get a little bumpy, but I have been on this show for 10 years and this is my 11th season.What followed was an honest and heartfelt conversation, as Vicki explained how it felt to fall in love with the "wrong man" and then fight the battle of her life to bounce back. It was just all this emptiness that had happened in my life and I had this big house and I just…I cried. So I think that was my biggest thing this year, getting back on the season, is handling all of those issues that they thought I [lied]."The hardest thing about betrayal can be the judgment, when other people question why you didn't notice the red flags."Yeah, they were pink and yellow, they were not red. He's good, I'm good and [she shrugs] life goes on."Where are you now on the cancer issue?
Here are excerpts from our nearly hour-long conversation: It takes balls to sit down with me."It's OK, I've got balls somewhere in there."Let's get the elephant out of the room first…"Yeah, absolutely. Let's do it."How are you feeling about Brooks at the moment? I asked God for answers and I journaled a lot…I can't hold a grudge or hatred towards him…I asked God to allow me to forgive him…"I'll get it out in the room: I never lied for him, ever, and the fact that the cast members tried to pin me up against the wall in different schematics was really hurtful."You were potentially betrayed twice, by him and your friends."I know…I was so hurt on how they reacted to the information being relayed from him. [She shakes her head.] I'm not a detective, I trust everybody…Why would I think it's a lie? "I do believe there were lies being told, I don't know to what level.I thought was going to heaven and I was at peace with it. "Yeah…I have images in my head of being upstairs in my bed, drawing the drapes, drawing the blinds, having complete silence for days. "It's really hard…so, my relationship now with the new girl, Kelly, is clean and that's what's healthy, having someone who doesn't judge you, [who isn't] saying, 'What did you know about Brooks?I was in so much pain and I was aware that we were rolling but I was really like, ‘Mom I'm coming home.' Cause my life's been hard the last year and I raised two great kids. Not getting up to eat, nothing, because I was so…I didn't know how I was going to make it. ' I don't want to talk about Brooks anymore and I'm really attempting to start a good friendship with Kelly and bring her into a really hard group of girls, a really hard group.He broke her heart and it didn't help that in the weeks and months following our report, Vicki found herself at the center of accusations she was Brooks' accomplice.So to get a call to ask if I would interview her, at Vicki's request, was surprising to say the least.I got through it, I learned a lot and it's good now."Does Steve know about that low point? "I tell him everything…I didn't want to go into a new relationship with any skeletons or any unknowns, so I told him how much I loved him, I told him how much I felt betrayed and how I'm scared… I'm proud that she was able to endure it."Why do you think you've survived?